Ask A Stoner: Toaster Ovens, Pick Up Lines & The CIA

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Dylan Mallett is medicinal budtender and cannabis connoisseur living in LA. From California to Amsterdam to other parts of California, Dylan’s passion for pot has taken him all over the world and allowed him to smoke virtually every strain of sticky-icky on the planet.

I don’t have a stove, my microwave broke, and I’m sick of eating tuna and cereal.  What’s the best food I can make in a toaster oven?

When it comes to the toaster oven, if you build it, it will cook. I’ve seen some old college buddies do some Wolfgang Puck shit on a toaster-oven.  Chicken Parmesan, sautéed Louisiana shrimp,  edamame, crabcakes, enchiladas, soufflés, and about half the Cheesecake Factory menu. How?  Because they didn’t focus on the restrictions of a toaster-oven, only it’s possibilities.

Also, why are you eating tuna cereal?  That sounds disgusting.  Haven’t you heard of a dollar menu?  Hot pockets?  A banana?  There’s other options besides StarKist Cheerios, dude.

 What’s the best pick up line?

“I’m incredibly rich.  Here’s a new iPhone 5 with my number in it.  Call me sometime.”  It’s not a sure thing, but if you do this to twenty or thirty girls a night, one of them is BOUND to be down.  It’s all about planting seeds. (NOTE: must be incredibly rich to actually use this pick-up line. If it doesn’t work, just pick up some high-class prostitutes – cuz hey, you’re rich!!!)

How do you feel about the government?

They’re behind everything, man.  Like, even this question, I bet.  Nice try, CIA.  I’m not biting. 

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