Ask A Stoner

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Dylan Mallett is medicinal budtender and cannabis connoisseur living in LA. From California to Amsterdam to other parts of California, Dylan’s passion for pot has taken him all over the world and allowed him to smoke virtually every strain of sticky-icky on the planet.


I’m having some of the fellas over for a movie night. Billy is bringing his new marijuanas. What movie(s) should we rent?

Considering you call Billy’s stash his “new marijuanas,” I’m assuming you guys haven’t smoked much weed before, so I’m also assuming you’ve never tried watching Dark Side of the Rainbow. People say if you play The Wizard of Oz and Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon at the same time, they synch up perfectly, but I’ve found that everything synchs up when your stoned.

Don’t believe me? Try Dr. Dre’s The Chronic 2001 over Homeward Bound. Or try watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre over Radiohead’s Kid A.

Still not trippy enough for you?

Try listening to the Inception soundtrack over a marathon of Sister, Sister re-runs. Dude, they totally synching up!!!

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

This is one of those questions I used to sit around thinking about forever when I was in college. It’s an easy question to answer: it takes five or ten minutes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, but the number of licks is different for everyone.

Then you start thinking about the old commercials for Tootsie Pops, and how many licks it took the owl and the turtle.



And you start to see the Tootsie Pop as the world itself. And you think about how we’re all licking at our own little Tootsie Pop, trying to answer the same question, but no matter what, we all keep coming up with different numbers.

Basically, I’m usually too stoned to keep count of my licks and just end up biting the thing and guessing how many licks it would have been. Which I guess you could say is also pretty metaphorical for life itself.

How high are you right now?

On a scale of 1 to Snoop Dogg, I’d say I’m at about a Nate Dogg (an 8).

  1. cc-studios posted this